I don't have eloquent words for this. Just a lot of groans and a few slaps to the forehead.

I wondered what had happened with that curriculum.

These silences are passive aggressive and can be so violent (both the cold silences directed toward us, and the silences we are made to keep to cover the multitude of...stuff).

BUT, that said, here you are, 3500 words later, beginning again. That is a celebration. A victory over the noonday demon (whew, that sounded way too familiar).

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That curriculum has been sitting idle in digital form for a couple of years, still unfinished. It may get resurrected at some point, though. Months ago, my brother read what I had written and emphatically encouraged me to keep working at it. He went through his own "rite of passage" last year and ended up starting his own spiritual formation ministry to break free of the same kind of dead ends. (See https://www.mosaicformation.org.) We've learned through our experiences that unless there's someone extraordinary at the helm of a dominant-culture organization/church/institution, transformation of the organization/church/institution in line with what the gospel demands is hiiiiiiiighly unlikely to happen. One positive thing I can say is that I've actually witnessed transformation at that level at a church in Memphis. Although that's the only time I've seen it happen, I know it's possible. Anyway, I'm not likely be open to this sort of collaboration again with any dominant-culture church -- not unless I see certain things. Really nice people who temporarily feel bad about something because of a cultural moment are not the same as people who are willing to suffer, take up the cross, and follow Jesus. And as it turns out, that niceness is pretty superficial. It's a bit like an optical illusion.

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Thank you for your vulnerability. I’m sorry to hear about the cascading painful experiences over the last couple years. Grateful for your willingness to bring others into them. And, I’d never heard of acedia until now either--really intriguing concept that’s been cast aside over the years.

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